Forever Friend
by Ria
Summary: Sequel to ‘Old Friend’ and ‘True Friend’. Kari had planned to help Ken, but he’s having none of it. Boys can be so stubborn! And on Christmas Eve, it’s Kari who has to help Ken put his ghosts to rest.


**Disclaimer:** Digimon isn't mine, Ken and Kari aren't mine, no one's mine, plot, etc. it's not mine! So don't sue, please. I'm just borrowing everything. No profit's being made from this either. This fic's mine though, as I wrote it and all that. ^^ 

* * *

**Forever Friend   
By Ria**

Ken sighed, as he leaned back on the closed door gratefully and momentarily stood still as the blast of warmth hit him. It was so nice to be inside, from that frozen winter wonderland outside. Sure, some people thought snow was great and everything and that the landscape looked absolutely beautiful when everything was frozen. Of course it looked wonderful - until you cracked your neck on it that is. 

And some people would gasp in horror if they ever knew the mighty Ken Ichijouji, boy genius, was so grim and negative like this and had such dark thoughts. It seemed to be a sin to be this grumpy so close to Christmas. Everyone had to be happy and cheerful, after all it _was_ the season to be jolly. Well he wasn't and what they didn't know couldn't hurt them. 

Shaking his head and getting rid of the snowflakes stuck to his dark blue hair, he walked towards the librarian's desk. She looked up and nodded as he passed by. There was no need for her to check him out or anything; he was a familiar sight here. He wasn't a boy genius for nothing. It took serious work. Nothing he couldn't handle. 

_I mean, it took serious brain power to come up with the Evil Rings and the other things,_ he thought absently, as he thumbed through the Geometry book, paying no heed to the words laid out in neat rows below him. _No one except a genius would have been able to come up with half of those things. I'm surprised none of the Digidestined had ever done anything like them before._

Well actually it wasn't really a surprise. All of those kids were so good and honest they'd never hurt a single fly. He couldn't wait to see what they'd ever do when they came up against a Digimon who _wasn't_ controlled by a Black Ring. That was an honest-to-goodness evil Digimon. That'd set them off course. 

_Perhaps not T.K. or Kari though,_ he admitted. They were more experienced than the other three, they had battled evil Digimon before, they had destroyed them before. It mightn't hit them so hard as it would the others. To be completely honest, he had a hard time imagining Kari destroying _anything_. He remembered she had hated killing a simple _spider_ when they were younger! 

His eyes narrowed slightly, as his lips tightened in a hard line. He hadn't meant to bring her to his mind, hadn't wanted to remember her at all. But that was impossible, forgetting her would be like tossing away a good chunk of his childhood. And he wasn't that desperate. Not yet anyway. 

He sighed. He didn't think anyone would imagine the mighty Ken Ichijouji would be stuck in a library studying Math two weeks before Christmas either. Everyone thought that he was so together, that his life was so easy. They couldn't have been more wrong. They didn't know the real him, they only knew a mask, something he slipped over his face when the outside world demanded his presence. All they knew was a myth, something that was fake. He knew his parents were worried about him, worried at how he had no friends, had no happiness. How he never laughed and how he treated and viewed everyone, including them, with contempt. No eleven year old boy should be like that. 

_But then, I never was normal,_ he thought wryly. He considered. Well maybe he had been once. Before he had listened to the . . . things that had talked to him. Let the darkness enter him, warp him. Basically during any of the time he had been Hikari Kamiya's friend, he might have been normal. But he didn't know what normal was anymore. 

He still had the memories. They never would go away, no matter how much he wanted them to. Unless he wanted to forget his childhood, and even he wasn't that heartless, no matter how he was made out to be. He dimly remembered smiling, laughing, happiness . . . fun. Remembered how Kari's eyes had lit up when she had been happy, how they had narrowed in determination when she was proving something, how she had steadily built a friendship with him, no matter how many times he tried to stop her. She had never given up. And eventually, she had won. For a one or two years at least, she had been his friend. And he hadn't minded. 

It had been years ago, but the memories were still clear, the images that came to mind still focused. Kari had possibly been the only one to ever really see inside him, to see the real him. And then . . . he had thrown it all away. For one foolish reason. For one idiotic greed. Something that he could never have resisted. And whatever had put it before him had known that. 

Power. 

Ken squeezed his eyes shut and dragged in a shaking breath. Even now, power was his worst temptation. It was an elixir to him, something he craved and could never have too much of. No matter how much he received, he would always want more. Complete domination over something. Mans' worst nightmare and the sweetest forbidden fruit. But no matter how he tried to deny it, deep down he knew it had never compared to Kari's friendship. 

_And whose fault was it that it ended? Yours._ The words were harsh but they were true. It had been his fault, his greed that he had pushed her away like that. Even now, the pain and hurt in her eyes haunted him still. The guilt still lay heavy in his hidden heart. How could he have done something so cruel as that? What had possessed him? 

His only guess was Darkness. Evil. How ironic. Darkness had eventually triumphed over light in the end. In the end good had lost to evil. 

He had seen her a couple of times after the abrupt ending of their friendship. Just glances in the street or in a shop. They had never met and she had never seen him looking at her. She had usually been with her brother Tai or her parents or people her own age. But while the companions had changed, the expression on her face never had for months. Always a slight loneliness, a deep sadness penetrating her innocence. And it had been his fault. He had put that on her. She had blamed herself for his mistake. 

Shame burned inside him and his cheeks reddened slightly. He hurriedly placed his cool palms over his cheeks, willing the warmth to die down. Suddenly the heat in the library seemed to be suffocating him, choking him. He couldn't stay here any longer. Slamming the book shut, he rose from his seat and made his way to the doors. He didn't even spare the librarian a glance as he passed, so he never saw her surprised look at his early departure. 

The snow was beginning to fall again as he pushed open the doors. A blast of cold air greeted him and he squinted momentarily as it hit him. He shivered, but at the same time welcomed the coldness and the loneliness. If you weren't with people, you couldn't be hurt. No matter how genuine people were, they always ended up hurting you. That was it . . . right? 

He took a deep breath and then began to walk. And somehow, he ended back there, without his mind even knowing it until it was too late. 

* * *

Utterly bored and frustrated, Hikari Kamiya angrily switched off the TV by jabbing the remote viciously. Flinging it down on the couch, she got up and began to walk restlessly through her family's flat, red eyes sparking with emotion and paces jerking. 

Tai was in the kitchen, fiddling with the microwave, trying to set it to the right time. He looked up as she entered and his eyebrows rose as he saw her vaguely annoyed expression. "What's wrong?" he asked her, frowning slightly. Even though she wasn't as gentle as she had been four years before, it still took a lot for her to become as irritated as this. 

She sighed as she sat down by the table and propping her elbows on the table, let her head fall onto her hands. "I'm not sure," she admitted, looking disgruntled. "I just feel so . . .fed up all of a sudden. Like I should be doing something, but I can't." 

"Right." She looked up at him in surprise, hearing the disbelieving note in his voice. 

"What?" she asked in astonishment. "Why don't you believe me, I'm not lying about it." 

"Oh, it's not that," he explained, sitting down opposite her. "It's just . . . Davis told me about the Kaiser being Ken and all. Kari, was that the same . . .?" 

She nodded slowly. "Yeah, it was the same Ken." 

"Oh no," he muttered under his breath. "I can't believe you used to be _friends_ with someone like that!" 

She looked at him in alarm. "You didn't tell Davis and the others that, did you?!" she asked, a hint of panic appearing in her voice. Her eyes were wide and pleading. 

He blinked, staring at her surprise. "Of course I didn't, that's your job remember? Why?" 

She breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God. Um . . ." she muttered, as she saw Tai's look of surprise. 

"What do you mean by that?" he asked. "You _are_ going to tell them, aren't you?" His brown eyes suddenly narrowed, as he surveyed his sister critically. "I mean, they deserve to know, don't they?" 

"I don't know," she answered hopelessly. "It might just make things worse. I'm already have a hard enough time trying -" She stopped, suddenly realising what she had been about to say. 

"You're already having a hard enough time trying to do what?" Tai asked suspiciously, already getting a bad feeling about what she was going to say. She wasn't actually going to try to . . . 

"I - I told him I was going to try and help him," she told him hesitantly. She knew better than to lie to Tai, he'd be really mad then if she did. Above all things, he hated liars. And she knew he wasn't going to be very happy after hearing what she had just said. She was right. 

"Are you _crazy_?!" Tai exploded, staring at her in disbelief. "You want to _help_ Ken?! He doesn't deserve your help! Kari, why would you be so stupid as to help him?!" 

Kari glared at him. "In case you've forgotten Tai, I used to be friends with him. I want to help him, try and get him back to his old self again. Admit it Tai, you liked him too! You were happy he was my friend!" 

Tai stared at her, discovering he had amazing difficulty to respond. Truly, he didn't know what to say. As much as he hated to admit it, he had liked how Kari had had Ken as a friend, they had formed an unusual, but solid friendship. Or so they had thought, until Kari had come home one night in tears because Ken had told her he hadn't wanted to be her friend anymore. That night, Tai had experienced an anger towards another person unlike any anger he would ever the displeasure of experiencing again. It had been a blind, flaming rage that had momentarily controlled him. 

He had wanted to go over to the Ichijouji house and give Ken a good piece of his mind. But Kari had intervened, begging him not to. She had given him feeble excuses, that Ken had his reasons and that it really wasn't his fault. Back then, Kari had said that about everyone. But the look in her eyes . . . it would be an expression Tai would never forget. The haunting pain tinged with grief and loss. No young girl should have had to experience something like that so young. 

And it had all been Ken Ichijouji's fault. 

No matter what Kari had told him, Tai had never really forgiven Ken for what he had done to his sister, intentional or not. He had always vowed he'd discover why he had done that to her. And now, to learn the same person was his sister's arch-rival . . . He shook his head. Why did life have to be so confusing? 

"All right," he answered wearily. "I admit it, I liked it that you too were friends - that us, until he ended it. Happy now?" He sighed as he met Kari's eyes as she solemnly nodded. He stood up and switched off the microwave. Suddenly, his appetite was gone. "I'm going to bed," he murmured. "It's been a long day. See you in the morning." 

"'Night Tai," Kari whispered softly, as her brother left for his room. She knew somehow she had hurt him, she had seen the conflicting emotions in his eyes - Tai was one of those people who could never hide his emotions - and she knew deep down he had never forgiven Ken for what he had done. 

_But that's all in the past now,_ she thought slowly. _We have to let go of those things sometime. Or else they destroy us. _She sighed and rubbed her eyes hard. All of a sudden she felt exhausted both physically and mentally. Tai was right. It had been a long day. 

A month had passed since she had vowed to help Ken return to his true self. And for the entire month he had done an astonishingly good job at avoiding her, both in the real and Digital Worlds. She was a naturally patient girl, but even she was beginning to discover her limits. if Ken didn't make the first move soon, she'd do it herself, even if went against all her morals. 

_Why are you making this harder then it has to be Ken?_ she wondered silently, rising and walking to the kitchen window. _It could be so easy, if only you'd let me help._

She knew why. Ken had immense pride and was proud of the fact he was considered a genius, even if he didn't really show it. To admit he needed help or a friend would go against everything he considered to be true. But it was more than just male pride. 

He was afraid to break down the walls he'd built around himself, protecting him from the outside world. 

Her eyes fell on the tall figure walking down the street across from her. Despite the moonlight that fell across the white, frozen land around him, she recognised him immediately. A faint smile creased her lips, as she watched him glance up in her direction a moment. Their eyes met, for one brief moment that seemed to be a lifetime. And then he was walking again, faster. He wanted to get away from her. 

_Oh no you don't._ That was his solution to everything: run. Well not this time. She was out the door before she knew it, hurrying lightly down the steps, into the cold street. She shivered slightly - she had brought no coat - but nevertheless, she made her way to him as fast as the icy footpath would allow her. 

"You're running again," she remarked, stopping a few steps away from him. 

He stopped, but didn't turn around. "And your point is?" 

"That for the person who claims to be the mighty Digimon Kaiser, you're really starting to look like a coward to me." She hoped this would work. 

He froze, back stiffening. "What did you call me?" Even she couldn't mistake the sharp undertone in his voice. She was beginning to tread on dangerous ground now, thin ice so to speak. 

"A coward. A person who claims to need no emotion and no one to share anything with. A person who thinks all he needs is absolute power -" He jerked suddenly at this. "- but really needs a friend, but can't admit it. Someone who can't admit that he needs help, as his pride is too strong. Someone who's too afraid to break down the walls he's put around himself." Her heart was hammering as she finally finished her speech and the blood was beginning to rush in her ears. 

For a few, agonising moments, he didn't reply. Then he answered, his voice cool and indifferent, "Wonderful speech Kamiya. You know, you should really think about a career in counselling." His tone dripped with sarcasm. Not one word she had said had got through to him. 

Kari felt her eyes narrow unconsciously as roaring, hot anger began to thrum through her. She couldn't believe how _rude_ and _selfish_ he was being! Here she was trying to _help_ and all he was offering was sarcasm. She had had enough. 

She boldly strode forward so she was facing his back. "Face me," she snapped at him. When he made no such move, she snarled, "Turn around!" in a voice that wasn't meant to be disobeyed. He thought so at least, as he jerked and whirled around to face her, looking as angry as she felt. 

Ken Ichijouji did not like to be ordered around. 

"What?!" he demanded, glaring at her fiercely. Under normal circumstances, she might have quailed under such a look, but now, she was too angry to care what he might do. For one of the first times in her life, she was more concerned about herself. Maybe that made her just as selfish as Ken, but if it worked, she might just finally get through to him. 

"You are so ungrateful, it's alarming!" she hissed at him, eyes snapping with fury. "I'm trying to help you and you won't let me!" 

"Maybe there's a reason for it!" he replied angrily, beginning to lose his temper. His blue eyes narrowed as he glared furiously at her. 

Something inside Kari snapped. 

She had reached her limit. She had _tried_ and _tried_ to help _him_ and he hadn't helped _her_ one bit. Well that was it. She might eventually regret what she was about to do, but it was the only thing she could think of. 

"I am really sorry for what I'm about to do," she snapped at him, "but I can't think of anything else!" And then she raised her right hand and slapped him. 

It wasn't a very hard slap, but it was one good enough to get her point across. Ken certainly got the message, jerking back in surprise and reflex, hand instinctively going to his cheek, which was beginning to redden slightly. He stared at her in shock, unable to believe what she had just done. "What was that for?!" he demanded eventually, after he found his voice again. 

"I lost my temper," she answered quietly. "I was so frustrated with you - _you wouldn't listen_ - I had to get through to you somehow. Unfortunately slapping you was the only thing I could think of. Shaking you didn't seem quite right somehow." She suddenly felt very ashamed. No matter how stubborn Ken had been, slapping him hadn't been the answer. And she had had no right to do that, no matter what her motives had been. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I shouldn't have done that." 

Fury burned in his eyes. "You could say that! How _dare_ you slap me!" He gave her a scalding look, completely furious. 

"I said I was sorry!" she shrieked, shame burning through her. Oh _why_ had she done that?! It wasn't going to help at all, in truth it was just going to make him even worse! "Do you think I liked doing that?! Well I didn't, I feel horrible now! But it was the only way you'd listen!" 

He hadn't expected her to say that. He had expected her to make up some feeble, girlie excuses, like all the other girls did. But he was beginning to see that Kari wasn't weak at all, and she _definitely_ wasn't like other girls. "I'm sorry," he murmured awkwardly. "I - I didn't mean to blow up like that." He was feeling _guilty_? That had to be a proper first. 

But Kari had truly had enough. "You're not sorry," she said harshly. "The Digimon Kaiser is never sorry, as you said yourself. And that's all you ever are Ken, a cruel, selfish person. And that's all you'll ever be. I was stupid to ever think I could change you. It doesn't matter if you don't want to be changed in the first place." Then, turning on her heel, she ran back to her apartment building. She never looked back. 

Ken watched her go, feeling something trickle down his cheeks. With a start, he realised it was tears. 

* * *

_. . . That's all you ever are Ken, a cruel, selfish person . . ._ The words haunted him still, two weeks later. They had all he had ever thought about, _she_ had been all he had ever thought about. He hadn't been able to think about anything else. God only knew what his test scores would turn out to be, he hadn't been able to think properly since that night. 

His parents knew something was wrong, that was obvious. His mother had kept trying to engage him in the pre-Christmas activities, while his father had asked him to help him decorate the tree and other things like that. Ken had done these things - but his heart hadn't been into it. 

He knew his parents were worried about him, but he didn't care. He destroyed everything dear to him eventually . . . his relationship with his parents . . . his friendship with Wormmon . . . his friendship with Kari. In fact he had done a lot more than just destroy his friendship with her. In a way, he had destroyed part of her. 

That was unforgivable. 

_. . . cruel . . . selfish . . . all you ever are . . . _

He felt tears slip down his face, as he thought of the way she had run from him. He had ruined everything yet again. She had only been trying to help him and he had pushed her away. And in the end that had only made her resort to the last measure she could think of - slapping him. And he had completely blown up at her. 

And she had given up. And she ran from him. 

The tears were coming faster now, more easily. Why had he let his stupid pride get in the way? Why hadn't he just admitted he needed help, needed a friend to help him? That he needed her. It was true. No matter how many times he tried to deny it, it all came back to the same thing. He needed her, he needed her desperately. He had no one else to turn to. 

_. . . cruel . . . selfish . . . cruel . . . selfish . . . _

Ken Ichijouji fell to his knees, his head falling into his hands. And if you looked closely you could see something trickling through his fingers. If you looked even closer, you'd realise it was tears. 

Ken Ichijouji fell to his knees, and cried his eyes out for the first time in years. 

* * *

Kari knew she should be happy, after all it _was_ Christmas Eve. The tree was up, the lights were actually working for once. Everyone was happy and she'd been able to find proper gifts for everyone. Well . . . nearly everyone. She hadn't got a gift for Ken. She hadn't been sure whether to get him one or not. She wasn't even sure if she was his friend or not. 

She grimaced and deliberately pushed her thoughts of Ken away. There was no reason for her to think about him anymore. Tai had been right. She shouldn't have even bothered thinking she might have been able to change Ken. Even Ken himself had been right. He wasn't the same as he had once been. He had grown up. He had changed. But still . . . 

What if she had made a terrible mistake? She sighed as she pulled out Tai's present and looked around for the wrapping paper. Her parents were out at some Christmas party and Tai was downtown with Matt, frantically searching for a gift for Sora. He had, of course goofed up, thinking he had already got her one. It had only been a few hours ago that he had realised he hadn't and had panicked, dragging an annoyed Matt (who was preparing the turkey) downtown to help him find a gift. Good luck to him. 

What if Ken really did want her to help him, he just couldn't express it properly? She wouldn't be surprised, all guys were like that. And Ken probably had even worse problems admitting his feelings. With all the people who tried to be friends with him just because he was famous, he probably had a really hard time trusting people. She grimaced as she folded the wrapping paper around her brother's gift (a computer soccer game), and quickly sealed it with sello tape. Rummaging for a gift tag, she quickly wrote it and stuck it on. 

She continued to muse as she went through all of her gifts. Her gift to Mimi had been sent off weeks earlier, so at least that was one already out of the way. But she couldn't shake off the feeling she should have got Ken a present. Maybe it might have helped things between them somehow. 

She remembered how Ken had reacted when she had given him a Christmas present when they'd been six. He'd been absolutely stunned. But he admitted he'd got her one too. She had been secretly troubled that someone like Ken could have such a mixed up childhood. She knew it wasn't really his parents' fault - she'd met them and they had been really nice - it was just . . . too hard to explain. It was a mixture of things. Mainly the fact that Ken and his brother Osamu had had . . . a troubled relationship at times. 

* * *

_"You - you got me a Christmas present?" Ken asked, staring down, dumbfounded, at the package Kari had handed him moments before. "Why?" _

"Why?" Kari echoed, fighting not to let her disbelief show. "Because you're my friend! Friends give each other Christmas presents you know," she added, hoping fervently she wasn't embarrassing him. 

"Well thanks," he replied awkwardly. "And - um - well I got you one too," he murmured, blushing. "To thank you for being such a friend to me." His face a bright red, he leaned over and pulled out a package and handed it to her. 

Kari gasped, as she took the package from him. "Wow Ken, thanks so much!" she exclaimed, grinning at him. "I never expected you to get me one!" 

"Huh. I'm not that bad," he replied, mock-glaring at her. Then he grinned. "I'm glad you like it." 

"I can't wait to open it," she answered, reaching over to hug him. "I wish Christmas would hurry up now!" 

Ken, blushing profusely now, hurriedly hugged her back. "Well that's no surprise! You always were too impatient!" he teased. They both burst out laughing. 

It had been a wonderful Christmas that year. Their first and last as friends. 

* * *

Kari sniffed and wiped the tears from her eyes. They had never had another Christmas together as friends - in the weeks following up to the next one Ken had destroyed their friendship. That Christmas had been so special. 

As she looked up at the tree, the lights reflected in her eyes, making them shine different colours. She remembered how she had managed to convince Ken and Tai to try the chocolates that had been given to their father - with rum added into them. They had both turned interesting shades of red, fighting not to spit them out. And had then chased her around the apartment madly. 

Something twisted inside her and she shook her head fiercely. How had she given up on Ken so quickly? That wasn't like her at all! That was it, she was going to help him one last time. If she wasn't able to get through to him on Christmas Eve, she'd never be able to get through to him. 

Grabbing her coat, she pulled it out and hurried outside. The sooner she found Ken, the better. But first she had to think. And she knew just where to go. 

* * *

Everything was indifferent to him. The brightly decorated Christmas trees, with their cheerful decorations and twinkling lights meant nothing to him. The crowds of people that surrounded him, doing last minute shopping, were nothing to him. He couldn't relate to them as they shouted greetings to one another and stopped to chat to friends they knew. He had never been able to do that. 

Oh sure, he stopped to the people that recognised him and stopped to talk to him for a few moments. He stopped to sign the autographs the smitten girl fans asked for. He returned the greetings for a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year that were given to him, with false sincerity and faked cheerfulness. He stopped to take photos and all the other things people with his status were required to do with the public. But he hated it. Underneath the pleasant, kind face he wore when dealing with his fans, there was a boy screaming to be left alone, for all the fame to disappear. 

But it never happened. None of it ever left him alone. 

He was stuck with it. 

All the cheerfulness, all the sickly sweetness was destroying him, as he couldn't be any part of it. Christmas was just another holiday to him, another holiday that he couldn't join in on. It meant nothing to him. 

It got worse every year. The loneliness that threatened to tear him apart got larger every year, as every Christmas passed by. He wished he had a friend. Maybe he could have gone to the Digital World and brought Wormmon back with him - but he felt too ashamed to face him. If he couldn't even be civil to Kari and she gave up on him, what must Wormmon think of him? Oh, he had messed things up royally. 

_I never should have come here,_ he thought sadly. _I should have just stayed at home and be miserable. That way I could have been ready to put on that cheerful mask when my parents came home. I don't deserve to be happy. Not with all the lives I've ruined for so long. I just deserve to be miserable on one of the happiest times of year. _

He felt tears sting his eyes but bit his lip hard. He wouldn't - _couldn't_ - cry in front of all these people. The thought of the headlines that would soon rise made him sick inside. No, he'd go somewhere private and then let them fall. Yes, that sounded good. 

Without fully realising the reason, he began to walk. Walk to a place that had always held a special place in his heart - even when it had been black. 

* * *

Everything held a dim familiarity that was of memories. He remembered times here. Remembered the faces of people that were much older now. His relationships with them had never changed however. They still kept away from him and he still held them in cold contempt. That never changed. But most of all, he remembered times here with a brown haired girl who had liked him for himself. Remembered times with her when he had laughed, cried, thought with her. He wished he could go back to those times again. 

With a heaviness inside him he felt he'd never be able to shift, he walked towards the bench he'd been sitting on when he had first met Kari. 

The park hadn't changed much in six years. The trees were still there, full of snow that threatened to fall from their branches any moment. All the benches were still there, along with all the amusements that had never changed. Unfortunately he had changed, along with the hundreds of kids that had passed through this place. 

Change happened. Sometimes it wasn't always for the best. 

He found his thoughts wandering even further as he sat down on the same bench. It was so much smaller now than it had been since he had last been here, maybe because he had grown at lot since then. Without realising it, he found himself remembering parts of his and Kari's conversations here. 

_. . . "Why are you sitting all alone?" . . . _

. . . "I don't have any friends here. Not much use playing if you don't have any friends to play with, is there?" . . . 

. . . "I guess not" . . . 

. . . "You want to be **my** friend?" . . . 

. . . "You seem all right to me!" . . . 

. . . "Honestly, raspberry ripple and banana isn't **that** bad" . . . 

. . . "How can you eat that Kari?!" . . . 

. . . "Practice. Okay, **you** try raspberry ripple and peach!" . . . 

. . . "No way!" . . . 

. . . "I dare you!" . . . 

. . . "Fine" . . . 

Ken felt the tears come again. He couldn't seem to stop crying tonight for some reason. Maybe the Christmas spirit was beginning to get to him or something. Or maybe it was because it would be yet another year without Osamu . . . 

He found himself remembering their last conversation so clearly it scared him. He didn't want to remember, oh he didn't . . . 

But he couldn't forget. Couldn't forget and couldn't forgive. 

_"Why can't I see it?!" _

"It's mine, I found it and you can't have it!" 

"But Osamu -" 

"Ken, I said you can't have it!" 

"I wish you'd stop being such a bossy boots! I wish you'd just leave me alone! **I wish you'd just go away**!" 

And then . . . and then Osamu was crossing the road without looking where he was going and he'd never seen that car. The sound of Osamu screaming still haunted him. He couldn't forget it ever. It was his fault. He'd been the one who'd yelled he wished Osamu would go away. And he had. It had been his fault. 

The tears came harder now, steady streams that fell freely down his cheeks. Ken sobbed openly, letting his head fall onto his hands. The tears soon trickled between his fingers, as he finally let all the grief and the pain that he felt every Christmas come through. And yet again he was alone. 

Once he started, he found he couldn't stop. They just kept coming, the steady stream was quickly turning into a river that refused to stop. He just . . . he felt so relieved to get it all out at last. He'd kept it bottled up for so long that it had just made things worse. And now that it was finally let loose, the size of it was enormous. 

But it felt so good to have it all out at last. 

And finally, finally, it was mostly over. His heart-wrenching sobs eventually died down to soft sniffs and an occasional choked sound. Gasping for breath, he raised his head again and rubbed his eyes and face hard. It didn't do much good, except for smearing the wetness on his face. But he didn't care. 

Slowly, he looked upwards, at the sky. To his surprise one patch of clouds suddenly cleared and he could see the stars above them. They twinkled down at him, at the frozen landscape that surrounded him. They seemed so happy, so cheerful, as if everything was happy and at rights. As if everything had been forgiven. 

"Please forgive me Osamu," he whispered to the night. "I'm so sorry for the way I treated you. I love you brother." Then he sighed and closed his eyes. He didn't expect a reply, not really. Osamu was dead and there was nothing he could do about that. 

And then, in his mind, he thought he heard a whispering voice that slightly resembled his brother's voice. And then, to his surprise, the sounds began to make sense to him. 

_All is forgiven little brother. I never blamed you at all for my mistake. Merry Christmas Ken, and remember - I'll always love you._

Suddenly, Ken found a great peace inside of him, as if a terrible weight had been lifted off him. Later, when he thought about it, he wasn't sure if it had been real, or if he'd just imagined it. But he liked to think that his brother had heard him, and that he had forgiven him. 

He felt . . . right again. His depression and guilt was gone and he felt ready to take on the world again. There was no more need for the masks anymore, he could show his true feelings again without any worry. He felt so light-hearted it was so strange. Taking a deep breath he smiled broadly, breathing in the crisp air. Everything was right again. 

Well nearly everything. There was still one person he needed to apologise to . . . 

As if she'd heard his thoughts, she was there. She stopped as soon as she recognised him, staring at him solemnly. He had the feeling she wasn't sure whether to stay or to go. He couldn't blame her after the way he'd treated her. And this time, it was his turn to take the first step. 

"Hi," he said softly, walking towards her slowly. "Fancy seeing you here." 

"Hi," she whispered, looking away from him. "I - I came here to think. Meeting you wasn't part of the plan." The hurt and guilt in her voice made him wince inwardly. She was blaming herself again, probably guilty of the fact she had given up on him so easily. Well, he was going to soon change that. 

"Well, sometimes plans change," he replied, coming even closer to her. "In fact, I'm very glad neither of our plans went as planned." She looked at him sharply, obviously wondering what he was on about. 

"I . . . I want to say sorry Kari. And thanks. Sorry for being so horrible to you and refusing to listen to you or let you help me. It was my fault, and you shouldn't be blaming yourself. This time it completely my fault." 

"I - I don't know what to say," she stammered, looking at him in surprise. Clearly she hadn't been expecting that. 

"Well - how about if that friendship slot is still open, would you say yes to me returning to it?" he asked hurriedly, quickly avoiding her gaze. Why she'd want to be his friend again he didn't know, but he had to ask. He had to try. 

She smiled and slowly placed her hand on his cheek, making him look at her. "I'd say that slot is still very much open and I'd definitely say you were the right material for it," she whispered. 

He smiled back at her. "I'm so sorry for being a fool Kari. I never should have done what I did. But every Christmas I got so lonely and well . . . I was more vulnerable than usual. I never meant to hurt you like I did." 

"Shh," she replied, placing a finger to his lips. "It's all in the past now, forgotten. Let's never mention it again, all right?" He nodded. "Good." Then she paused, looking up at him for a moment, considering something. Then she quickly stood on tip toe and brushed her lips against his. It was a very short kiss and ended quickly. She looked away from him the moment it end, blushing hard. 

For a moment he could only stare at her, speechless. _Kari Kamiya kissed me!!! She kissed me! _Then he looked properly at her and smiled as he slowly kissed her back. It felt right, natural somehow. Talk about Christmas presents! 

Then, she intertwined her fingers with his and they began to walk back the way they had come. And as they walked, snowflakes began to drift silently down to the ground, swirling dizzily towards the already frozen land below them. Was it a sign for something that was going to happen? 

Kari gasped and smiled. "It's snowing," she said, turning to smile at him. "Now things are perfect." She squeezed his hand affectionately, as she looked upwards again, watching the snow fall around them. 

_Yes,_ Ken decided. _It is a sign. It's a sign for a new beginning. It's time to leave the past and everything that went with it behind. It's time to leave all the pain behind and all the horrible memories. There's only the future now. A new future._ "Yes," he said softly. "It's perfect." 

Things weren't going to be so smooth in the near future, he knew that. He'd have to rebuild his friendship with Wormmon again and start from scratch. And there was the other Digidestined to win over, and that was _definitely_ not going to be so easy. They'd have to forgive him and learn to trust him. Who knew how long that would take? 

And there would be all of his crimes as the Digimon Kaiser to atone for. There would be a lot of scars in the Digital World, a lot of cracks. It would take time and a lot of pain for it to rebuild itself again, as well as all of the digimon he had tortured and controlled. Yes, the path ahead was going to be anything but smooth. 

But he wasn't alone. He had Kari by his side again, and he knew she would always be there for him. She would always be his friend, no matter what he did. They had been tested and had come through for each other. Their friendship would be one that would last through everything. And maybe something more than friendship . . . who knew? 

All he knew, was that their was a light at the end of the tunnel. A light that was very special to him. A forever light, his forever friend. The darkness wasn't the only thing there anymore. 

Smiling, he turned to Kari. "Merry Christmas Kari," he whispered softly. 

"Merry Christmas Ken," she replied gently, as she smiled back at him. 

Yes, she was his light. Would always be his light no matter what happened.


End file.
